Every time I am asked the question, "So how's marriage life?" my answer is always the same since the first time I was asked it....marriage....is humbling!! and it feels like I've been marriage forever! The feeling of being married forever started only a couple months into my marriage. Well it's been 10 months now as I am writing this and sometimes.....*breath* marriage is hard. I don't wish that things could be all smiles and roses cuz that would make any relationship I have boring. I know there is great understanding when you experience the duality of everything. So in marriage that would be the days when we are madly in love with each other and we don't want to be apart to the days when we can't even be in each others presence cuz we trigger one another and we aren't healthy to be around each other because we just aren't aligned with ourselves. I'll take both please and everything in between!
Lately it feels frustrating to be with my wife because I let her take me down into her negative bubble. Now I am in no way saying that she always needs to be positive, or that she needs to fix herself with her thoughts. We are all allowed and should experience all the rainbows of emotions but the ones that contract us to play small in life and give into fear kill us from the inside! I would love to be able to say I am so strong in my conviction for love that nobody can shake this tree! But I am perfectly imperfect like any other human being and there are times I am affected by surroundings.
Every time I get into a "bad" space with my wife due to us fighting or being disconnected I think of this picture by Alexander Milov
And I say to myself how to I get back to love? It's always my ego that gets in the way to continually choosing to face my back to her and sometimes I let my ego win. But "being right" never feels as good as being in love, giving love and receiving love. I forget that sometimes when I am in the moment of choosing fear and my ego.
I choose love.
I choose you.
I choose to work at this.