Meeting my inner child

So last weekend I had an amazing body talk session. (if you don't know what this is read this ) I've been on a journey to be a fully awakened being and Christine (my body talk practitioner) gave me a homework assignment that brought me to tears. I've done a lot of work this year on releasing the stigmas put on Korean women on what it means to be a female but the cords of this lesson I was taught run so deep within me that I have to go back to my ancestors and challenge the hold they have on me. I don't know if I will ever be "separate" from them, not that I want to be, I would like to be in a place where I acknowledge and am grateful for what they taught me but it's time to change the path for the future generations to come.

The homework I was given was to envision my inner child as a girlie girl. I have never acknowledged the little Esther being a princess. I didn't want that child to exist for a long time but now when I think about meeting little Esther as the girliest  of girls....I'm excited to meet her. So part of my homework was to envision her during one of my meditations and embrace her! Which for me means I'm embracing a part of me that I never let out. So the next morning I'm doing my mediation and I could not envision anything of little Esther and it was then I realize, I have no idea what little girlie Esther would look like, what she would wear, what colours she likes, what food she likes, what activities does she like to do. I got upset and a little sad over it but then an idea popped into my head. If I don't know any of these things I should go out and look at all the girlie toys and clothes and see what I/she'd like. As I was driving to the toy store I started to be filled with emotion and I bawled my eyes out! I could feel the palm of my hands with that glowing warmth that I have associated with my inner being or Holy Spirit (whatever you want to call it). For the first time I could feel little Esther coming out. I spent hours at the toy store looking at all the girl toys and clothes, some things brought a smile to my face but for the most part I got bored.

So I finally leave the toy store and head over to the library to read kids books. I head over to the kids section and found myself reading books I knew I liked as the kid I grew up and experienced so I changed my direction and skimmed over the rest of the kids section at the library and ended up picking up this book around a Princess named Nina. Her full name was Princess Feminina .....Nina for short. This didn't hit me till later but for a book about a Princess named Feminina when I'm doing an exercise to fully embrace my feminine perfect!! Of course it's perfect! But wait till I tell you what the story was about. I start reading and the Princess likes to play rough and dirty meaning she likes everything from playing outside in the dirt, to baking cakes, to swimming and horse racing. Her dress was filled with stains from playing hard. So far sounds like my kind of princess. The book goes on to say her parents think it's time for Princess Nina to marry a Prince. Uh oh in my mind this is just another one of those typical same old stories....Prince and Princess get married to live happily ever after. Long story short Princess Nina meets all these different Prince's but none of them cut it for her. (sounds like what I did with all my past boyfriends) After meeting so many different Princes, Nina's parents get worried and frustrated and invite over friends who also have a princess. Princess Nina and this other princess get along so well they did everything together. Then one day the two princesses had to part ways and both of them were so upset over it. Princess Nina runs to her parents and ask.....can I marry Princess Melowo? The parents agree and they live happily ever after!!! In my mind I was thinking oh my god...I never knew there were kids books about same sex marriages!! This is amazing!! What a pleasant surprise! and wow this was THE book that was meant for little girlies Esther!! <3

The next morning I saw little Esther for the first time. She was sitting on the floor curled up in a little ball with her face buried into her knees. She peeks up and all I can see are her beautiful big eyes and I meet her eyes with mine smiling back at her! Little Esther is wearing a pink and grey outfit. And then suddenly I see a glimpse of her in ballet class. She was a bit awkward cuz she had her growth spurt before any of the other girls so she looked like a giant among them but she was so happy to be dancing and she had the highest kicks in the class! 

I'm excited to get to know her better as the days go on!
These are gifts I bought little Esther and my heart sang when I purchased them!

Alyssa QuinneyComment