My Coming Out Story....
Telling this story I think isn't so important cause anyone who isn't straight has their own story, but when I think about it, it wasn't until I started telling people about my sexual orientation that I began to be authentic in other areas of my life. So before I get into it let me tell you that I would much rather have no label but for the sake of those of you that just want a "quick" way to know where I stand I resonate the most with the label pansexual, which to me means no matter what gender you are, I love you because of your personality, your inner soul, your heart...everything inside of you. The more involved I get into the LGBTQ community the more new terms I learn about and it's almost overwhelming cuz I can't keep track but I do understand that once someone who is in the process of trying to figure out who they are once they learn of a word for it, it helps me find their identity.
Okay so for my coming out story I knew that the first ones I had to tell were my parents cuz they would be the hardest ones to face but I think how it ended up I told my sister first about it and she was very supportive about it without hesitation (<3 thank you). So with my parents because they pretty much have no exposure to the non-straight world I knew for them I had to tell them that I want to date women in order for them to understand the significance of what I want to share with them about myself. I went over to their house sat them down in the living room....
me: "mom, dad....I want to start dating women..."
parents: *look of confusion*
I can't remember the details of what was said but I remember seeing this look on their faces like "oh no where did we go wrong? no not my daughter, I can't believe this, you're going to go to hell" Okay so really I can't know what exactly went through my parents head but they responded by saying I need to go back to church, I need to start reading the Bible again and I have to pray until God can forgive me. And then they asked "who is she?!?!" Now because I know my parents so well I expected that question and so I knew I had to tell them while I was still single so they could not blame anyone except me for choosing what I choose. No way would I put that onto anyone for my parents to try and shame them. The rest of the conversation is a blur for me right now but I remember we started yelling at each other and I had to stop and just walk away from it.
The next day I called my parents to see how they are doing and I remember this one clearly...my mom picks up the phone with a voice like she has been crying all day. She says to me "Esther, I would rather die than feel this pain" ....... *pause* ........ really mom you had to go there. It didn't surprise me, my mom is the queen of over dramatization but it still stung to hear that. Going forward I stayed pretty "strong" when being around my parents but for the first few months whenever I talked about this with anyone else I would start crying! In my mind I was thinking finally my parents really know a part of me it was a relief but another part of me was thinking they don't love me for who I am *tears*
As time as gone by I've started to be authentic in all areas of my life and discovering and questioning what do I really believe and what have I been taught? I know this will be a lifelong journey for me as I have years and years of conditioning that was programmed into me but I know anything learned can be unlearned and it's never too late to choose yourself!
Love is love!