My mono-poly relationship
Forgive me if I'm not using the exact right terms or spelling, this whole thing of monogamy vs polyamory is still fairly new to me. The more I share about the dynamic of my relationship with people I often hear the same questions. So here is the scoop...my wife is polyamorous and I still resonate more with being monogamous. Logically I totally get why people would choose to be poly especially if you have kids. You have more than two parents taking care of your kids, you have more than two incomes helping out with bills, you have more love in your life, if one partner can't give you want you crave another one can. But emotionally....it is SO HARD to be okay with poly. For me at least because I have so much programming in me that has taught me it shouldn't be this way! How can you let your partner have sex with someone else? How can you let your wife take advantage of you?
Ask me on a bad day and I'll say yeah it sucks that my wife is poly. It's not fair, she gets to go to her other partners if I'm not contributing to her. Who do I get? She gets to escape me whenever she wants. I'll make her into the bad guy. But ask me on a good day, which lately has been more like a few good hours and I'll say having a wife that is poly is freeing for me. I don't have the pressure to provide all that she needs from a partner. She gets more love and support in her life, how is that a bad thing? She chooses to stay with me not based from "what is right by society." To see her be so free with her love in giving it away and not limiting it....well that is an amazing thing to witness.
Being in a poly relationship, it has forced me to face a lot of fears and insecurities and for that I am grateful because I get to deal and heal from many things. But sometimes it feels never ending. I get over one thing and then another thing comes up and then I get over that and then here's a new one! UGH! But it's exactly what I asked the Universe to give me. Never did I think it would turn out this way. You see, before I even met my wife I put it out there to the Universe that whatever issues I haven't dealt with and whatever I still need to heal over, please reveal them to me!!! And then on a silver platter the Universe gives me her! =.) Thank you Universe!
A huge lesson I learned and consistently need to practice is to know that my source of love, support, joy and happiness does not come from my wife. All of that comes from myself. Cuz I am more than enough! What my wife can provide is adding onto that. As soon as I let any percentage of her be the source of any of my emotions well I just let her have that much control over me. I have NO control over her or anyone for that fact, so why would you leave any chance to let someone be in control of how you feel?
Another area I can see in my future is when my wife and I have a child and we are most likely going to adopt, I definitely want our child to have a male role model in their life! So maybe and this is the first time I am admitting it, maybe this is what I put out there that having a poly wife is a perfect fit for me and what I want for my future in what I see for how my family is going to look....whoa....didn't think it would pan out that way...haha as per usual. It was in the realm of I don't know what I don't know...at least it was when I was asking the Universe to help me.
I never know what the future holds for me but time and time again I've been proven that the best case scenario of what I can imagine are all from what I already know from my past and what comes into my life I never could imagine it because I didn't know that was possible! I had an idea of what it could be but there is always something greater out there you don't even know exist!! =.)