So I had a HUGE lesson on what trust is for me. And I say FOR ME cause my version of trust might not be the same as yours. Same goes for anything in life really. Your truth is YOUR TRUTH only and it’s not necessarily the same as the person beside you or even the person you chose to spend your life with. This lesson on trust started in the month of April of 2019 and since then it’s been daily practice of putting it into action.
It all started after I had done a sacred ceremony of sacred medicine and I went through a major intense awakening of what it means to be human. To be more aware of being a spiritual being inhabited in a human body. It was the first time I experienced leaving my body. This was in no way easy for me and scary as hell when I was going through it for the first time and so naturally my body went into survival mode but my spirit was so free and so powerful that it didn’t allow my body to take over. And so when I finally came back to earth my perspective on life once again shifted and new perspectives were within my realm of knowing.
After the journey I went through bouts of not being okay with how I was being, I would be fine one minute but then the next minute I could burst into tears caught in powerful emotions of fear and confusion and asking why did I go through that? But this major shift in my perspective caused me to dive deep into what it meant and how do I apply this experience to my life. Integration of any journey is where the major work and magic happens!
I did a lot of mapping out my brain and thought patterns. I was directed to Katie Byron’s method called “the work” and asked myself the 4 questions to each thought I had. Click here for Katie’s method. The major discovery I became aware of was what I was taught trust was. This came from my mother. In my mind trust meant that I am a responsible person and therefore if I am a responsible person I am then responsible for everyone else. I had spent all of my life thinking this way. And it served its purpose for all that time, until I began to shift into a life that I chose for myself. Here is how this lesson started….
My partner had started to cook breakfast and then left the stove and pan on to go do a little work on the computer while the food needed more time to cook. I saw her leave the stove and thought to myself uh oh I don’t want the food to burn like it did last time, so I went up to the stove and continued to monitor and finish off cooking breakfast. But while this was happening my partner could hear that I was at the stove and asked “do you want me to finish off cooking breakfast?” and in my mind I said to myself she’s not going to finish off what she started so I have to do it….so I ended up ignoring her and just didn’t say anything and finished off cooking breakfast. But all the while I was doing this I felt so annoyed that I had to finish off what she started. And then while eating breakfast I tell her whatever story was going through my mind and we end up fighting over this.
My partner is amazing at calling me out on my shit. And usually I hate when it happens in the moment but in the big scheme of things I am always grateful that she keeps me in check. So she says to me “I asked you if you wanted me to finish cooking breakfast!” and again the story in my mind was “even her asking, she isn’t going to follow through..” So I purposely triggered myself and got all upset over this little thing of cooking breakfast.
So cuz I was in the middle of mapping out my thoughts I went to this one. The thought was “I don’t trust my partner” and I asked the 4 questions by Katie Bryon to this thought and this is what I came up with…in mapping out my thoughts. I don’t trust that others will be responsible for themselves and that they will not be accountable for themselves either, but me, being a trustworthy person means that I just have to accept that I have to be responsible for everyone else. No wonder I had trust issues!!! Who is the world wants to be responsible for everyone?! So yeah I don’t want to trust myself! But then asking the question what would it look like if I didn’t have this thought? My response was “life would be more freeing” and so I asked myself what could trust look like? Here is what I came up with that broke me into tears…
Trust is not having all the answers but a knowing that things are always working in your favour.
Trust is surrendering to the ebb and flow of the Universe.
Trust is having faith.
Seems so simple to me now that I am aware of this and finally admitted to myself to what I believe trust is. But all the while I always trusted with my heart and followed through with it by leading with my heart. My mind just didn’t align yet to where my heart was at. Now I can say my mind and my heart are aligned to what trust is for me! And being in this place of awareness, I know I can be more powerful in my way of being!
What does trust look like for you?